Returning and Reinvention…

Our last post was on May 28th, 2017 (!!!)

Ironically that post speaks to evolution and a professional leap of faith taken that year.  Since then (3+ years) we have taken many other mini-leaps – the biggest one being: purchasing a tiny house on wheels, setting it up on our property and becoming Airbnb hosts!
This week, the home pictured below, will be towed to it’s new spot in Friendship, Maine.

Nestled in our woods, we hosted several couples in the late Summer/Fall of 2019. It was a very joyous and fulfilling experience.

Some Backstory:
After a successful late summer/fall season with our aptly titled “Woodland Tiny”, we winterized and tucked it away for the cold season. We decided then, we would be selling it – not because our experience was a flop: just the opposite, it was a FULL ON WIN. We knew Airbnb’ing was enjoyable for us.  We found satisfaction and fulfillment in hosting people from around the world. Most importantly, we discovered and committed to doubling down on our efforts to either build the necessary infrastructure for more permanent cabins on our land and/or purchase elsewhere. We weren’t sure on the details around how/where or when. Step one would be selling this off-grid tiny house on wheels.

Then, as you all know, a pandemic struck the WORLD.  We collectively faced and continue to face daily uncertainty and volatility. It has been a year full of disappointments, sadness and upheaval.  While we decided to sell the tiny in the late fall last year, the selling process has been a true labor of love. We have had more than 50+ showings, many no-shows, many virtual tours, many YouTube video sharing and even one instance where we connected the builder of our home to a potential buyer (thanks John!). It has been a WILD ride.
Finally, we had a showing with someone who isn’t on Facebook (wise person) and will likely never read these words. He is a fisherman out of Friendship, Maine.  He grew up in Massachusetts, so we had lots to kibitz about being “from away”.  His friend showed him our Facebook listing and connected us. I joke with our buyer now, I owe that friend a cut!!

All of this is to say, all the conversations and connections have been worth it. John and I could not be more pleased with our buyer. We wouldn’t change any of this and have learned so many lessons.  And regarding our DestinationME, it is in constant flow and evolution.  Like any experiment, we collected our data and are now re-calibrating our plan.

The pandemic taught and continues to teach us what is important for Team Apczynski.  It also highlighted some needs for our family and brought forth new vision(s).

John reminded me recently, “you need to get back to the writing, you are good writer” and I reluctantly concurred.  Even if my writing skills are not the best, I write to share our experiences with the folks who want to hear our steps.  We are always reinventing and returning to our collective goals – sometimes, often, that requires big changes. And we will face those changes head on.

After many months at home in various states of lock-down, this month we’ll venture into New Hampshire and New York.
New Hampshire for a few nights in the White Mountains with dear friends and New York to pay respects to our Grandma B. (John’s grandmother).  She passed late last year.
Her original services were in April and are finally set to happen the last week in August.
This timing also intersects with John’s parents moving to Maine.  They purchased their home late in 2019 and the pandemic had halted all efforts in moving until now.
Their home in New York goes on the market this week. During our visit, we will be able to obtain closure with our beloved Western New York and give Grandma B the send off she deserves.

So, my sincere apologies for the 3+ year void – certainly life was hardly VOID – our kiddos are thriving (despite current social conditions) and we are all in relatively good health. My work has been the most fulfilling it has ever been in my 41 years. John is still working remote for the same employer – going on 15 years! What a blessing his part time remote work has been, especially in 2020!
There have been memories, victories, new friendships, promotions, small loses (and a few big ones – thanks COVID!).

All in all, it’s been a GOOD 3 years.  I’ve shared a small sampling of captured moments from 2017-2020 below.

Cheers to reinvention, re-calibration, and returning to what’s important while weaving in as much love as you an muster throughout the process!

In Gratitude and Love,
The Aps

Sibling love

Free Hugs

Toothy Smiles

In the birch trees…

Sebago Lake Jumps

Summer fun in Rockland…

 

Clever Clover and Grandma B ❤

100th Day of school before the world stopped.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Zoning out…

 

Summer LOVE…

Schoolbound…

Too cool not to share…

 

BFF’s in Colorado! We WILL be back!

Grandma A and Clover at a fancy tea!

 

A small piece of art to remember 2020…

Gentle Reminder: Love is everywhere.

 

 

 

90 Days…

Way more important…

I remember the excitement I felt when I surpassed 90 days of employment at AAA in Maine. I even set up a reminder in my work email and joked about it with my boss (she was “stuck” with me). To me, it felt like an amazing victory. Like this is REALLY HAPPENING. There was no turning back – our family was indeed destined for Maine. While my family was still in RI, I was busy working the new job, getting a house built and painfully awaiting each Friday afternoon to hug them all again.  During this transitional period, I sort of always knew, if it didn’t work out – I could go back to RI and regroup and figure something out. When it worked out and I passed that 90 day mark, shit got real.

I am a milestone person. So as to avoid the overwhelm that can encompass us all at any given point in time, I do my best to break stuff down to small, more readily digestible (read: celebratory) parts. With any new venture, direction or endeavor – whether it be work or personal life stuff – it’s the small steps along the way that add up and keep me pointing in the right direction.

Today marks 90 days at my new gig. I closed my eyes before I took this leap and before I could open them, I’m here. I’m “official” again. 2/28/17 was 90 short days ago.  90 days ago there was snow and it was COLD.  I was so nervous: afraid I was too old, afraid it was going to suck, that I would suck. So much fear that Monday night until Tuesday morning, but I did it anyway. I showed up – I did it for me first. I did for John, Clover and Bodhi next.  This milestone feels more insanely monumental. A totally different path emerged and I followed.  It’s important to note, it didn’t magically emerge – I had to do so some serious inquiry (internal and with my tribe).  There was no safety net this time – my family is already settled here. I am the safety net.

Since “graduating”, I will now hit the road hard come June.   A new balance will be struck.   The next several years – a continuous evolution. Heck, life is always an evolution.

And so, I ask you all to take the time to celebrate the small victories.  Time flashes forever forward and without these brief momentary pauses, you might miss some of the joy. And that would be such a shame. Make those little notes in your calendar. Tell your co-workers, your family and friends. If they josh you about it, ask them to share their victories and milestones with you. In this small way, we will lift each other up!  We won’t get so caught up in the destination that we forget how important these small moments are along the way!!  No joy missing allowed.

Cheers!

Sabrina

Moment by moment

List #3:

My happiest moments thus far… a photo essay of sorts.

How to summarize a blessed and sweet life? Here’s my simple go at it.

This weeks challenge: create your own favorite moments of your life thus far, return to it when you need reminding of your crazy beautiful life.

 

I do. 10/10/10.

Baby Yogi Clover circa 2011.

We finally snuggled after a long day of getting her earth-side. 10/13/11

Visiting my mom’s hometown, Galluccio Italy. So. Many. Memories.

Aldo & Miranda (my mom’s best friend) loving on Clover – Italy, 2012.

My Buddha Baby, Bodhi circa 2013.

For many many reasons, his birth healed and saved me. 11/19/13.

Our discovery vacation, we found our to be community and the universe conspired to get us there.

9/30/15, we bought our forever home, DestinationME was truly born.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sing it with me… “don’t stop believing'”…

Finding Sleep

When you’re a new mom, you psych yourself out with the knowledge that you will likely not sleep so much. In my case it was a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy.
I convinced myself that indeed,  I wouldn’t sleep and that was just the way it would be. I accepted this fate the same way you accept having to put on clothes each day (on the days you do go outside and are around others).

SO when my little lady Clover wasn’t the best sleeper, it didn’t surprise me or confound me. It took me 18 long months of nursing, rocking, holding, crying (I cried so much while holding my little girl in the darkness of her beautiful room)*.  And then, magically, like they do – she slept through the night. Shortly thereafter, I discovered we’d welcome a new soul to Team Apczynski later that year.

The second time around I had an EVEN GREATER level of acceptance.  HOWEVER – I accepted that because I wouldn’t get much sleep: I wouldn’t clean as much, I wouldn’t watch as much tv, my reading would be limited to a kindle. I’d crawl into bed at 7:30-8 after getting Clover down and nurse my little man to sleep, tuck him in beside me in the co-sleeper and doze myself. I didn’t look at the clock much.  I embraced those nights like it was my job. I didn’t lament. I will say because of this deeper level of acceptance of what was in those moments, my Bodhi was easier. We did eventually move him into his own room (so much later than Clover) and did eventually have to do the whole psuedo sleep training (I can’t let a baby cry, I have such strong visceral reactions. I read a ton of info on sleep and exercised the power of routine, the power of drowsy baby (put them down!!) and the power of a good cuddle and a sweet song).

Fast forward (for it does feel so freaking fast) to now. It’s 10 p.m. on a Friday. My brain is buzzing. It’s imagining more of the amazing life we continue to carve out here at DestinationME. My babies are asleep, including my Mr. Mom amazing partner John. They sleep through the night mostly now – except for the occasional bloody nose or bad dream.

So, I have sorta found sleep.  I guess the proper way to say it is, sleep has returned to me. It’s available.  If I desired, I could get to bed by 8 p.m. and stay sleeping until 6-6:30 a.m. when either the dog or a child reminds me they need some love and attention. But, I don’t. I don’t sleep all that much. I have trouble powering down, I’m working on it – ironically, working on it.
This trouble is equal parts excitement (my brain continuously thinks: so much to do!!! so much to say!!! so much to see!! and the consequential undercurrent of anxiety rumbling alongside for the ride.

Ambition doesn’t stop once a goal is accomplished. It isn’t a switch.  I’ve lived this lesson so many times in my life.  I think, OK, you accomplished your mission, what’s next? And so on. This level of intensity has served me well. However, all the signs point to learning to press pause and keeping the faith those high drive dreams aren’t going anywhere while I do stop. Breathe. Stretch. Having ambition doesn’t have to be the wrestling match I’ve made it. Ambition AND peace AND calm AND rest AND AND AND… can all simultaneously coexist. In fact, the older I get – the more I am convinced they need to co-habitat for any soul to thrive.

So tonight, now inching closer to 11, I will now power down.

I’ll know that these words will be here tomorrow and that my heart is whole in the here and now.

There will be more wholeness as it is infinite and without measure. Just as our hearts grew with each child and even with our newest furry family member, Harvey – so they will grow when we host our first cabin guests. So they will when our chickens are free ranging pecking at our kids heels. So they will when we find our first goats – yes, yes, we will have some goats! So they will as our community widens and deepens and shows us again and again, it is all possible.
Be still.
Watch for each miracle, they keep coming.
Find joy in the hustle rather than hustling through the joy.
All is coming. In these words I find peace and solace and dare I say it, a chance to sleep.

Peace out believers!

 

 

• Regarding the tears in the dark: Clover was 10 months old when my mom passed away. My entire pregnancy and first year of motherhood had a lot of pent of tears of sadness and heartbreak. In my hormonal delusions while pregnant, I honestly thought if I got too upset I could hurt the baby. When my beautiful baby was here and we embraced and snuggled – the tears just emptied and still occasionally do. It’s human nature to miss your Mama something fierce particularly when you are being the best Mama you know how to be and your Mama isn’t there to cheer you on (in the physical sense – I know she’s always with me).

You CAN have it ALL…

I am a planner.

I like starting with the end in mind. I like to go about my days with a general knowledge of the cadence of the day ahead.  I can flow best when heading in a specific direction.

Order, or some semblance of order, truly makes me feel better.

So, when recently, our realtor broke the news to us, that, at this time, the market is flooded with inventory and our house is priced too high to sell, our plan (read: my flow) broke.

How would DESTINATION ME happen without selling our house? What was our plan B?
When I’d try to brooch the subject before with John (knowing my inclination to plan and schedule and predict), he would dismiss me. God Bless Him. His dismissal was unwavering faith that it would happen as it is meant to happen. And then this demotivating call, but as you’ll see, he was right.

After the call, I asked John to simply try and call the mortgage company that had approved us (contingent on the sale of our home in RI) and just ask if they would consider approving if we continued to rent vs. selling.

My primary motivation in having John call was to find an alternate route but to be honest – lately, the whole selling of our house has been feeling less than joyful.  I often thought: Shouldn’t this be an amazing time? Shouldn’t this experience release two dreams to take flight? Us living in Maine and another family to owning an incredible LOVE filled home? I have tried surrendering to the Divine, because I know, it is not up to me. I GET that. But, that doesn’t sooth your battered soul when your children is 200+ miles away from you. Your lover isn’t holding your hand at night and more than anything, you want so deeply to root down.

What do you know? They approve us, at a slightly less amount, but they will do it. A new choice emerges.

More magic:
After doing some math, we could plainly see – buying this home would be significantly less for our tenant monthly than continuing to rent.
John suggested calling our tenant and advising of him of the numbers.  It is a complicated situation – and please let it be known, if we could we would literally GIVE this house to them, we would. Their sons cried when our realtor came and put up the for sale sign. They love the house that much! Never the less, John calls and talks to our tenant – he can’t do it now, but guess who wants to buy the house? Later this year? Our tenant. Right there, one call.

Shivers.

Ok, I am listening.

Our path is becoming clearer and (of course) the roads merge, of course my partner and our littles will soon join this crazy land of dreams where the moss grows wildly, where the fairies hide behind the trees and where not a single soul has been rude to me (seriously, people are REALLY nice here).

This morning I call and make it official: the house is coming off the market.

Upon hearing the news, the Mom of 4 boys living in the house sent me an immediate text, “thank you so much, I can’t wait to plant veggies in the garden. This means so much to me and my family”.

My heart lifted and in an instant,  I knew the path we are on is most assuredly the right one.
You can have it all. You can.: ask for guidance, follow the signs, seek joy and prepare to witness your life changing direction in the most beautiful of ways.

So much openness. So much love.

Maybe we have…